Canadian Top Ten Lists
from The Late Show with David Letterman
Canada has been the topic of several of Dave's Top Ten lists, and what else can I say
but here they are.
Top Ten ...
& Canada in Other Top Ten Lists
Find more Canadian Connections in other TV shows at The Canadian Connection.
| 10. |
Won't acknowledge enormous cultural
contributions of Howie Mandel |
| 9. |
We're pretty sure they're holding
Wayne Gretzky down there against his will |
| 8. |
Every time we mention the city
"Regina," they won't stop giggling |
| 7. |
Incredibly, they only have one word
for "snow" |
| 6. |
In American encyclopedias, Canada
often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor" |
| 5. |
They call it American cheese, even
though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot |
| 4. |
They've never even heard of our
most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan |
| 3. |
Two words: "Weird Al" |
| 2. |
Sick of that gap-toothed loser on
"The Late Show with Paul Shaffer" |
| 1. |
Not enough guys named
"Gordie" |
| 10. |
Whenever they show Niagara Falls,
always "happens" to be on U.S. side |
| 9. |
Not enough exciting canoe chases |
| 8. |
No Monday night curling |
| 7. |
Just when we get hooked on
"Dweebs" -- poof! It's gone |
| 6. |
One too many award shows hosted by
David Letterman |
| 5. |
It's really hard to play along with
"Jeopardy!" after you've drunk a couple dozen Molsons |
| 4. |
Not a single Canadian featured in
O.J. trial |
| 3. |
E.R. never about frostbite |
| 2. |
During "Cheers" reruns,
real beer should pour out of the TV |
| 1. |
Too much Dave, not enough Paul |
| 10. |
Dying to show off how much he knows
at the citizenship exam. |
| 9. |
For 10th year in a row, lost Sexiest
Canadian Alive to that bastard Alan Thicke. |
| 8. |
Became interested after playing U.S.
Citizenship: the Home Game. |
| 7. |
Risked everything to flee Canada's
crushing Communist regime. |
| 6. |
What is...American tail? |
| 5. |
Finally admitted to himself he's
just not that interested in hockey. |
| 4. |
Canadian bacon -- neither crispy
nor delicious; American bacon -- crispy and very delicious. |
| 3. |
After you're sworn in as citizen,
you get a free USA totebag. |
| 2. |
Got into a little Jeopardy
with a stripper in Toronto. |
| 1. |
I'll take "Who gives a
crap?" for a thousand. |
| 10. |
Le Grand Faux Pas |
| 9. |
Lorne Greenland |
| 8. |
Rand McNally's Worst Nightmare |
| 7. |
Sparky |
| 6. |
International House of Pancakes |
| 5. |
The Monkey On Maine's Back |
| 4. |
Frenchylvania |
| 3. |
Canada 90210 |
| 2. |
Parlez-Vousland |
| 1. |
Funkytown |
| 10. |
French baseball chatter very
disorienting |
| 9. |
U.S. players get sleepy standing
through two national anthems. |
| 8. |
Special enzyme in Canadian bacon
that turns players into game-winning zombies |
| 7. |
American teams discouraged by
Clinton's new RBI tax |
| 6. |
All our secret plays are being
funneled to them by that weasel Paul Shaffer. |
| 5. |
Exchange rate makes Canadian runs
worth more. |
| 4. |
Stirring pre-game talks, which
always end with "win one for Lorne Greene". |
| 3. |
They don't bother to use actual
Canadians. |
| 2. |
Let's face it--we're a bunch of
"Hosers." |
| 1. |
Those damn mountie umpires |
| 10. |
Canadians can borrow your car
anytime they want. |
| 9. |
Mexican workers still get $1.25 an
hour, but will also get a complimentary pair of NAFTA slacks. |
| 8. |
Like it or not, Bob Dylan has to do
at least one Letterman show. |
| 7. |
Instead of airbags, Mexican built
Chevrolets will have pinata. |
| 6. |
Al Gore must drink a shot of Cuervo
every hour. |
| 5. |
When visiting Mexico and Canada,
Americans are free to shoplift as much as they can carry. |
| 4. |
President Clinton has to split time
between McDonald's and Taco Bell. |
| 3. |
Every talk show gets a "coffee
mountie." |
| 2. |
Deportation of Lorena Bobbitt to
Guadalajara |
| 1. |
Pesos now "Clintos" |
Top Ten Reasons Puerto Rico
Does Not Want to Become a State
7. U.S.
teams keep getting ass kicked by Canadian teams in World Series
Top Ten Things Overheard During Washington,
D.C. Jeopardy
3. Mr. Gingrich, you won't win any
points by calling me a 'Commie Canadian bastard.'
Top Ten Ways President Clinton's Injury Has
Changed His Life
6. While
doped up on painkillers, called Peter Jennings a "fruity Canadian
bastard"
Top Ten Ways Country Would Be Different if
a College Student Were President
6. North Dakota sold to Canada
for a few cases of Molson.
Top Ten Japanese Nicknames for Americans
7. Canada's gay neighbor to the South.
Top Ten
Rejected 'Jeopardy' Categories
5. Canadian Sex Secrets
Top Ten Side
Effects of the New Impotence Drug
5. May cause hair loss in Canadians.
Top Ten Ways to
Make Hockey More Exciting
9. Canadians must play in bare feet
Top Ten Reasons
The United States is The Best Country on The Face of The Earth
4. Jeopardy's host: Canadian. Nine out of
10 winners on Jeopardy: American.
Top Ten Other
ways CBS can spend 4 billion dollars
5. Obtain rights to broadcast Canadian
Football League for the next three thousand years.
Find the Canadian Connections in some of your
favourite TV shows at
The Canadian Connection
| Seinfeld
| The Simpsons
| X-Files | Star Trek |
Friends | The
Late Show | South
Park |
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